The Gratitude Experiment

Earlier this week a coworker of my sister's suffered the worst possible loss I can imagine. He and his wife lost their 6 month old son to shaken baby syndrome at the hands of the babysitter.

As a parent you can't even allow your brain to begin to comprehend the loss of a child. You can't imagine anything worse. Yet, for this couple, it did get worse. They'd been on my mind a lot as events had unfolded prior to the baby's death, and time and time again I've thought how lucky I am to have happy, healthy children. To just have them here. With me. When my sister called to tell me that the baby had died and how, I cried. Then I went straight to my computer and sent an email to my daughters' baby sitter to thank her for the loving care she gave them for nearly 6 years.

Miss Penny moved to Oregon earlier this year. Her move was the right thing for her, but it was the loss of a family member for us. Finding childcare is hard enough. Finding childcare from a person who genuinely falls in love with your children, makes tater tot casserole for their birthday party, takes it upon herself to keep your baby's eczema from itching her like crazy, gives you endless advice that makes you feel like you actually know what you're doing, and still finds the time to sell Body Shop is nothing short of a miracle.

So I wrote Miss Penny a thank-you note, something I probably should have done long ago. A couple of hours later she called me and we mourned together the loss of that couple's baby. We got caught up on our childrens' lives, our jobs. We reconnected and, at least for me, it gave me something to smile about.

All of this got me to thinking about gratitude. What it really is and what it can do for us. Oprah is a big proponent of keeping a gratitude journal, a little notebook where we write down the things we are grateful and appreciative of. I've tried this and, frankly, felt a little silly. But I like the idea. I believe positive thinking is a powerful force and right now we could all use a little bit more of it. So I've decided to conduct what I'm calling The Gratitude Experiment.

Here's how it works:

1. Each day I am going to say thank you - sincerely! - to three people.

This could be the woman at Froehlich's who knows just how much butter I like on my bagel and takes time to put it on right after it comes out of the toaster, so it melts perfectly and I don't have to do it myself. It could be my husband, who stopped to get milk on the way home so that I didn't have to drag two kids into the grocery store and back out. The point is to thank someone for something that may be a small act of kindness (or a really large one), but makes a big difference for you. To look them in the eye and say, "Thank you so much. I really appreciate that."

2. Twice a month I am going to write to someone who has done something thank-worthy. They didn't necessarily have to do it for me, but that list is pretty long so I think I'll start there. Miss Penny was a big one. But there are many other people who have helped me in ways big and small. I know from experience that getting a thank- you note makes you feel good. But writing it also makes you feel good.

Here's what I want to find out:
1. What happens to your own psyche when you take time to say thank you?
2. What happens to your relationships?
3. How do people respond when they are thanked and why?
4. How can this attitude of gratitude be spread around my family, my town, the world?

And I want you to help me find these things out. I want you to join me in The Gratitude Experiment. It doesn't take a lot of time or money. Just a little effort that I suspect will reap very big rewards both intangibly and tangibly. You can send an e-mail, write a letter, make a phone call - whatever works for you.

I also want you to share what happens. Tell me (and everyone else) what people said back to you and how it made you feel to say thank you. Join me in a mission to populate the world with positive thinking. Resist feeling dorky and just do it. You'll be glad you did.

And thank you so much for reading. It makes me feel good to know that you're out there.