The worst of both worlds.

I'm supposed to be writing an article right now about a hospital and a construction company, and their unprecedented partnership. Instead I'm thinking about how nice it is to be at work without the baby.

Anne has been coming to work with me three or four days a week for the last couple of weeks. Everyone loves her and loves having her around. Except me.

Don't get me wrong. I know I'm among a rare minority of women who have an accepting work environment that allows me to bring a baby to work all day, whenever I need to. I've got a little purple rocking chair under my back desk and the pack-n-play is set up in the back room where it's darker and quieter than the rest of the office. At work Anne is smiley, largely cooperative and widely adored. It's working out pretty well and I secretly hate it.

I've been mulling over the pros and cons of having her here, and this is where I'm at:

Pros
- I get to be with Anne much more than if she were at home with daddy/grandma/nanny
- I am saving big money on childcare

Cons
- I am with Anne all day. At work.
- I am easily and often distracted. I'm like this anyway - I can't work 15 minutes without having to get up or just stare out the window for a while. With Anne here it's worse.
- When it's very quiet in the office everyone can hear my silly cartoon-talking-to-the-baby voice, which makes me feel kinda stupid.
- I am being a mom and a writer/business owner all at the same time. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George talks about how some worlds shouldn't collide.

This last one is the crux of it, I've realized. I love my work. Most of the time I'm lucky enough to find my work and my business invigorating, and the person I am while I'm doing that is a different part of me than the Mom part. It's not that the two can't co-exist, but it's more difficult than I thought when they are actually trying to take charge at the same time. I'm proud of and love both these identities. But I also enjoy keeping them separate.

Work is one thing in my life that is just for me. In a strange way, being at work is a relaxing break from being a mom. I may have deadlines, interesting clients and days that just don't go my way, but when I'm here I don't have to censor my sarcasm, pretend to like green vegetables, keep anyone company in the bathroom or feel like I'm being a bad mom because I'm looking at Facebook while the kids are going googly eyed at the TV.

It's my little world. And I'd like to keep it that way.