Schizophrenia and the power of sitting on the couch.

On Monday I took B and his girlfriend to a college fair. On Tuesday I went to Lauren's preschool open house.

Lately I've felt like parenting is an awful lot like schizophrenia, only the voices are on the outside of your head. My childrens' personalities are so completely different, so.... separate. You hear that all kids are different, but you can't really know until you've experienced it. Like, one minute you're yelling - or trying very hard not to yell, but sort of failing - at your 8 year old to quit whining, sit up in the chair and do her subtraction. NOW. And the next your 4 year-old is leaning over to kiss your cheek. One minute your baby is totally cracking you up scooting on her butt across the living room, and the next you're fuming over your 17 year-old's missed homework assignment in science. One day you're asking about college admission requirements and the next day you're praising a triangle.

My children switch gears so easily, their moods tossed and turned by what happened at school, how hungry they are, maybe even the current phase of the moon. Who can say? But I'm ill equipped to change so quickly with them. Sometimes they are coming at me so fast and furiously - happy, angry, giddy, hopeful, quiet, crabby, laughing, pouting. I hate when I let my anger at one diminish my joy in another, even when it's only for a moment. But I feel like a split personality in the creepiest way when I get angry at one, then turn and smile and use my "happy mommy" voice on the other.

The irony is that they forget so much more quickly than me. Even if I yelled at dinnertime, by bedtime they are hugging and kissing me, and telling me I am the best mommy in the world. I know I'm not, but I'll take it as long as they still think so.

And so I come to the power of sitting on the couch. At my house, it's just like all those families on Super Nanny - the more time I spend with my kids the happier and more well behaved everyone is, including me. Even if we just spend 15 minutes in the living room talking, doing a puzzle, watching TV, reading, or playing charades (which B refuses to participate in, but still kind of hangs out for), it's 15 minutes where I have stopped moving. Stopped cleaning. Stopped bossing around. It's good for them, but in truth it's better for me.

Tonight, I'm thinking of sitting on the couch for 30 minutes.

P.S. In no way do I intend to make light of schizophrenia. In fact, I have a friend whose son has struggled with the disease for years, so I have an idea of how hard it is on the families and victims of the condition. Schizophrenia is no laughing matter. But you've got to admit - it is a great analogy for parenting.

Packing lunches, cleaning up puke, changing diapers, reading books, fighting over homework, celebrating math victories, thinking about colleges, cooking dinners, wishing for a self-cleaning house, folding laundry, writing web sites, one conference call after another, worrying about my Grandma, laughing at myself, exercising occasionally, sleeping less than I'd like, playing Chutes & Ladders, watching movies, searching for jeggings, answering emails, feeding the baby, dinner with friends, vacuuming, loading and unloading the dishwasher, pondering fantasy football strategies, trying not to forget birthdays, throwing my cat's gifts of dead animals into the woods, listening to acorns hitting the roof like rifle fire, talking to my dog, stopping at the grocery store, de-cluttering my closet, remembering to floss, painting tiny toenails, eating popcorn with M&Ms, trying new recipes, checking out new cop shows, listening to thunderstorms, kissing sleeping girls, filling out school picture forms, giving baths, oversleeping on Monday morning, wishing I was still sleeping on Sunday morning, getting up every morning to do it all again.